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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22646536">Symphony of Melancholy</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptemberSatyr/pseuds/SeptemberSatyr'>SeptemberSatyr</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Carry On Series - Rainbow Rowell</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 01:34:59</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,081</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22646536</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/SeptemberSatyr/pseuds/SeptemberSatyr</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Baz trying to deal with his crush on Simon, and the  one day he falls apart.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>baz and simon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>2</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>64</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Symphony of Melancholy</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>All these characters belong to Rainbow Rowell!<br/>Feel free to leave comments!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Holiday break wasn't much more than a vortex of my own self pity. I basically locked myself in our library and emptied my sorrow out into the violin, which transformed the sadness into a symphony of melancholy. I haven’t been able to get my mind off him lately. Snow… just too bloody perfect. His messy, bronze curls and simple blue eyes… just too fucking much. He’s never liked me, and I know he never will. I know Snow and Wellbelove broke up awhile ago, but I also know he still loves her. And the pain never softens. It’s complete agony, thinking of the one you love who will never return the feelings. But what do any of us know about love? Actually, everyone knows a universal rule of love, almost like a rule for a board game: You either find love with someone, or you never find it at all.</p><p>Walking back into our room in Mummers House is like being drowned by the painful memories, and it only gets worse when Snow walks in. </p><p>“Baz.” He says, staring stupidly. I give a halfhearted nod, pretending to sort all my sheet music and items I could care less about. Snow continues to stare stupidly, in an almost concerned manner. But then he returns to his regular self, sets a pile of notebooks on his bed, and strolls out the door. Probably meeting Bunce. I immediately flop on the bed, trying to sink into some sort of oblivion, and make the whole world disappear. I feel as if it would be better to forget the ones you love, to avoid the pain that will soon seep in once you lose them. The oblivion cancels out the rest of the universe, just leaving me and my thoughts. Snow isn’t here, neither is Bunce, or anyone. Just me. Sometimes the sadness is overwhelming, and I don’t know what to do. It’s usually just buried, waiting to make a sudden reappearance, overwhelming me. </p><p>My oblivion is interrupted by tea time, and I am starving. I exit the ocean of memories and walk as slowly as I can towards the dining hall. It’s a few days before school is supposed to start, so Dev and Niall haven’t arrived. I just sit alone out our usual lunch table, trying to ignore the world itself. I glance across the hall to see Snow, talking casually with Bunce and eating a pile of beloved Sour Cherry Scones that he has gathered onto his plate. After minutes of staring at his beautiful freckles on the back of his neck, Bunce meets my eyes, and her facial expression changes entirely. I go back to stirring my tea with a spoon, and I feel Snow’s pale eyes boring into my skin. Those beautiful, blue eyes that I will never be able to stop loving, even when he knows I’m nothing more than a hopeless piece of crap. I just can’t take it anymore, so I simply stand up and walk out of the hall. Exiting through the enormous double wooden doors, I start to sprint towards the football pitch, hoping to find sanctuary from this spiral of heartbreak. I reach a willow tree, hoping it’s flimsy branches will shield me from the rest of Watford, England, and Simon. I cover my face with my hands, only to find tears streaming down both my cheeks. It’s impossible not to sob, thinking about all the agony when Snow will find me even more repulsive than I already am when he discovers my love for him.<br/>
It’s impossible to ignore the complete misery that will consume me when his hatred for me will start to sink in. I don’t even notice his soft footsteps, the rustling of his clothes when he bends down to remove my hands from my face. </p><p>“Baz, Baz!” Simon repeats my name over and over, and then he pries my hands off my face. Seeing the boy who I’ve loved for so many years and feeling his hands in mine is too much for me. The sobs come in waves, and even the comfort of his warm embrace isn’t enough to stop the pain. He just runs his fingers through my hair, hugging me, and repeating words of comfort over and over. </p><p>“I know, I know, I know, I know.” </p><p>I manage to sob out the words “love” and “Snow”,  along with the rest of my turmoil and sorrow that has been eating away at me for the past few years. Before I realize what’s happening, he’s leading me through the willow branches and across the football pitch. We walk back to Mummers House, and he plants a soft kiss on my forehead. He sets me onto my bed and just whispers soft words, trying to break this spiral of anguish and unhappiness. The oblivion returns, and I drift into a deep and tranquil sleep. </p><p>The next morning, all the memories return. Of me falling apart, of Simon kissing my forehead, of the wonderful oblivion of sleep. I look around the room for Snow, preparing a quick apology for the mess I was yesterday, but he’s nowhere to be found. I glance at my nightstand, and a note is poised on top of a random book. I stand and read Snow’s scrawl, which reads: Meet me at the football pitch as soon as possible. It’s impossible to avoid whatever he wants to discuss about yesterday, so I just shower quickly and get dressed. Twenty minutes later, I’m walking on the football pitch, where I find Snow sitting beneath the same willow tree. I sit next to him, hoping I don’t burst into random sobs. </p><p>“Did you really mean what you said, about loving me? For the last few years?” The question didn’t catch me by surprise, so I just turned to Simon and nodded.<br/>
He just nodded back and stared straight ahead.<br/>
We sat in that wonderful silence, just staring straight ahead, but I  broke my gaze when I glanced down to see his hand holding mine. </p><p>“I think I’ve loved you for some time as well.” He says, giving my hand a squeeze. Just those ten words was what it took to completely change the rules of love and the universe itself. I turn my face towards his, and then he leans in. His lips are soft and warm, and it’s a gentle kiss. He leans back and strokes my cheek. And I just gaze at his blue, melancholy eyes.</p>
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